Stranded
by Quigonjecca
Summary: Obi-Wan Kenobi and his fifteen year old padawan, Anakin Skywalker are trapped in space in the same ship for eight months. Chaos insues


Stuck in the Middle of Nowhere

Stuck in the Middle of Nowhere

"No, no!" Anakin cried out in desperation, punching the sides of the tiny ship. "No! Our hyperdrive can't be broken! It just can't!"

"Stop that this instant Anakin!" Obi-Wan admonished. "You are fifteen and it isn't becoming of you to whine like a baby."

Anakin stopped for a moment, but only long enough to give his master a half-crazed stare. His eyes were glossy and he looked like he might be getting ready to get sick.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan thundered. "Get a grip! There is no reason for alarm! Don't you see—,"

"Our hyperdrive is broken. If it wasn't broken, we would be back to Coruscant by now. If you hadn't insisted that we take the back way to Dantooine, we wouldn't be stranded! Now we're eight months from any planet and it's all your fault!" Anakin reduced himself to quiet sobbing in the corner.

"Stop blubbering like a crècheling!" Obi-Wan said, exasperated. "And you aren't blaming this one on me young man. Don't you realize—wait; did you say we would be up here for eight months?"

Anakin nodded. "And our stupid distress signal won't reach anywhere for that long either. Stupid dial-up connection," Anakin shook his fist. "Why did the Council have to be cheap?"

Obi-Wan's Jedi composure melted like snow on Tatooine as soon as he realized what he would be doing for the next eight months. He was alone on a ship, with a fifteen year old boy, and that boy was Anakin. And he would be bored.

"We're doomed!" Obi-Wan said, and he collapsed by his apprentice.

A few hours later, Obi-Wan regained his composure. "Come now Anakin, this is going to be quite fun." He said, trying to keep a hopeful voice. "We will have lots of time to train, and lots of bonding time as Master and Apprentice! Won't Yoda be proud!"

Anakin groaned and did a headdesk maneuver on the wall. "Please spare me! Just throw me out the airlock now!"

"Anakin!"

"I mean it!"

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "Look, we've got plenty of food and water. We'll be fine."

"Yeah right," Anakin said.

"And besides," Obi-Wan answered. "When we get really bored, we can open the Recreation Cabinet of Doom."

A light seemed to dawn in Anakin's eyes. "_The _Recreation Cabinet of Doom?" The padawan said, reverently. "The cabinet banned to those but the most bored upon this tiny vessel?"

"Yes," Obi-Wan answered, pleased that he had gotten his apprentice to calm down. "But only, when we get really bored."

There was silence for a few minutes.

Anakin looked around. "Ninety-nine bottles of caf on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of caf—,"

"Wait a minute," Obi-Wan demanded. "I thought it was ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall."

Anakin shrugged. "Master Yoda doesn't like Padawans to sing about beer." He cleared his throat. "If you take one down and pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of caf on the wall…"

Three hours later they had listed every beverage they knew of, and were then, exceedingly bored.

One Week Later:

"Ha!" Anakin shouted, jumping to the left and bringing his saber up to his chin. "I win again!"

"Who made up the rules to this silly game?" Obi-Wan demanded, turning off his lightsaber. "You aren't making any sense!"

Anakin shrugged. "Sore loser."

Obi-Wan struggled to his feet again. The object of the game—if it could be called a game—was to turn the ships gravity up as far as it could go, so that your body felt three times as heavy as it actually was. Then, you had to see who could complete an obstacle course the fastest.

Anakin had fashioned a course of sorts out of a few discarded crates, a pillow, four toothpicks and a stuffed Jawa named 'Bob.' You had to jump over all three crates, do a handstand on the pillow, balance a toothpick on your nose, and then stab Bob the Jawa with your lightsaber. So far, Anakin had won all twenty-two times they had played.

It was more like torture to the Jedi Master than it was a game. But he wasn't going to let his apprentice win, and it was good training, although, he would never tell Anakin that.

"I will beat you." Obi-Wan said, panting slightly.

"We'll see about that." Anakin smirked, and they raced back towards the starting line.

"On your mark, get set, go!" Anakin shouted, and they were off again. Anakin pushed hard and jumped over all three crates in a matter of a minute—which is a feat to be attempted when the gravity is turned up. Obi-Wan though, was right behind him, and when it came time to do a handstand, he was the first up and first down.

Equally matched, they balanced toothpicks on their noses and walked as fast as they could to go and stab Bob the Jawa.

But Anakin won again.

Obi-Wan growled under his breath. "We're doing this until I win!" He said.

"Ooooh look who's getting all competitive!" Anakin taunted.

Obi-Wan blushed. "Did I say that out loud?"

Four days and three hundred games later, and Anakin programming the ship's computer to give them play-by-play coverage, Obi-Wan had still not won the stupid game, and so, he gave up.

Time Elapsed: Three Weeks

Obi-Wan sniffled. "Oh poor thing," He said.

Anakin couldn't say anything, so shocked was he. "I can't believe he would do something like that to her!"

"Even for a Hutt that's treacherous!"

"The nerve!"

"Ssshhh!" Obi-Wan said, and he leaned closer to the tiny black and white holo-proj. The slimy, Hutt character muttered something in Huttese.

"What did he say?" Obi-Wan demanded. "He said something about love didn't he?! Didn't he!?"

Anakin sniffled. "He said, 'I always loved Jarra more than you, anyway.'"

Obi-Wan gasped in pure horror.

As it turned out, after two weeks straight of training, even Obi-Wan had decided to take a break. So, like most people when they are bored, Master and Apprentice turned on the holo-proj…

…only to find that the only channel they got was the Hutt Soap Opera channel, completely commercial free, and entirely in Huttese.

For three days now, they had been following the story of two Hutts, Korbu and Noda. I could go into the whole story, but it's quite boring so I won't. Suffice to say that Korbu is trying to dump Noda for another Hutt, named Jarra.

To make matters all the more interesting, the entire program was shown in Huttese, and only Anakin could speak fluent Huttese. After three days, Obi-Wan had learned to recognize the words 'Love', 'Always' and 'Hate', which were the most commonly used words on the program.

"Orburrla thorruga mar!" Noda growled in her deep, non-feminine Hutt voice.

"She didn't!" Obi-Wan said, clutching the couch in horror. "What did she say Anakin?!"

Anakin suppressed a sob. "She said 'I hate you, you slug!' and then stormed out of the room!"

"Poor Noda!" Obi-Wan said, and started crying.

Now we all know why soap operas were banned in the Temple, right?

Time Elapsed: A month and a half

"You owe me…" Anakin counted up on his fingers. "Forty thousand credits! Pay up."

Obi-Wan grumbled and handed Anakin ten orange credchips. "That's what I get for wanting to rent _Boardwalk Avenue_."

Anakin rolled the dice. "Ha!" He shouted triumphantly. "I landed on Free Parking, I get five hundred credits!"

"How many times have you landed on that space, Anakin?" Obi-Wan asked, looking at his meager stash of four-hundred credits. If he didn't get some money soon, he was going to have to start mortgaging properties.

"Forty-six times and counting," Anakin answered, counting up the credchips in his hand.

"And how many times have I been sent to jail?" Obi-Wan asked, forlornly.

"Forty-_seven_ times and counting!"

Obi-Wan cast his dignity aside. "I'm quitting."

"Hey!" Anakin cried, jumping up and stamping his foot. "That's not fair! You can't play a fourteen-hour game of Monopoly and then quit!"

"Watch me!" Obi-Wan shot back, sticking out his tongue.

"You didn't even give a five minute warning!"

Obi-Wan harrumphed.

"You're just jealous because you didn't win the beauty pageant!" Anakin retorted, waving his 'community chest' card around. "I won it, I won it!" He chanted in a sing-song-y voice.

"But I own all four train stations!" Obi-Wan shot back. Never being one to walk away from a challenge, he sat back down at the tiny table.

"I don't even know what a train is." Anakin said. "So it can't be that cool."

"It IS cool!" Obi-Wan said, sounding hurt. "And," he said, moving Anakin's token forward a couple of spaces with the Force. "You owe me thirty thousand credits for landing on my red train!"

"What?!" Anakin demanded, looking back down at the board. "But how is that possible? Cheater!"

"Are you calling me a liar, Padawan?" Obi-Wan challenged, raising an eyebrow. "Because you know I'll put you on restriction for that."

Anakin grumbled and paid up.

The game ended when both occupants couldn't pay the loans they had borrowed from the bank, and were sent to jail. However, being Jedi, they took matters into their own hands, hired an imaginary bounty hunter to break them out of jail, escaped all imaginary prison guards, and smuggled themselves away on an imaginary freighter.

They gave each other a high five when they were through.

Time Elapsed: Two Months

Anakin and his master had played as many games as they could possibly think of. Including (but not limited to) Duck, Duck, Goose, Red light, Green light, Indians and Cowboys (though neither of them knew what either of those things were), Cops and Robbers, Spies, and even a warped version of Mother May I and Truth or Dare combined.

Eventually though, they tired of those games, and decided to play Sabaac. Of course, they had nothing to gamble with but a jar of nuts.

"I raise you… four walnuts." Obi-Wan said, eyeing the cards in his hands.

"I bet fourteen peanuts."

Obi-Wan sucked in his breath. "Twelve… pistachios…"

"Agh!" Anakin shouted in dismay. "Not the pistachios!"

Obi-Wan smiled maliciously. "And three macadamia nuts."

"You are a cruel, cruel man Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"No," Obi-Wan said, putting on his 'game face,' "You are just a sore loser."

Time Elapsed: Two and a Half Months

"I think it's time," Obi-Wan said, snacking on something.

"Time for what?"

"I think it's time to open up the Great Recreation Cabinet of Doom."

Together, Master and Apprentice stood before a floor-to-ceiling cabinet in the back of the ship.

"Age to age, and generation to generation," Obi-Wan said, his voice taking on a wizened story-teller tone, not unlike Gandalf. "This cabinet has stood as a beacon of hope and a token of the true nature of the Jedi.

"For many years, many Jedi were afraid to open. But they were only afraid of having fun. Anakin," Obi-Wan said, resting a hand on the boy's shoulder. "This could be a new beginning."

"How long has it been, Master, since the Jedi dared to open such a monumental landmark of our times?"

"Hard to say," Obi-Wan said, scratching his head. "Thirty to fifty years, I presume."

Reverently, they opened the wardrobe like cabinet. "Is it really magical?" Anakin asked, quite seriously.

"Yes Padawan," Obi-Wan said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Yeah, it's magical alright."

But Anakin wasn't very good at identifying sarcasm in his younger days, so he backed up against the furthest wall, and started running.

"What are you doing?!" Obi-Wan exclaimed.

"I'm going to Narnia!" Anakin cried, and jumped up into the cabinet, and ran straight into the back wall.

Obi-Wan rushed in after his apprentice, only to find the young man with a knot on his forehead the size of a baseball. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and dragged Anakin out of the cabinet and into the cockpit to treat his head wound.

When he came to a couple of hours later, Anakin's first words were "May I have some more Turkish Delight?"

"No!" Obi-Wan said. "No, you may not have Turkish Delight! I don't even know what Turkish Delight is!"

Anakin fell back into the pillow. "Why is the rum always gone?"

"What the blazes?"

Anakin winked. "C'mon, say a line from a movie."

"Um… okay." Obi-Wan thought for a moment. "ALVIN!" He shouted.

"What?"

"I said, ALVIN—,"

"Yes, yes I know what you said!" Anakin answered, a little aggravated. "But what movie is that from?"

"You know, from Alvin and the Chipmunks?"

Anakin groaned and wished he was back asleep… or had some Turkish Delight.

Time Elapsed: Four months

There had indeed been treasures in the Recreation Cabinet of Doom. Twelve scripts for various plays, an outdated version of Dance Dance Revolution, and some very dated karaoke CD's were only some of the relics they found.

They also found complete costume sets for numerous 'famous' people.

Anakin and Obi-Wan at this moment were dressed up like characters from _The Wizard of Oz_. Obi-Wan had his now-longer hair braided and had a blue tunic on. He also had a basket in one hand, with Bob the stuffed Jawa stuffed inside, and a note that read 'Toto' stuck to the front of the plush toy.

Of course, Obi-Wan had refused to play a girl in the play, but he wanted a main character, so they had changed Dorothy to Dortho.

Anakin had said that Obi-Wan would make an excellent Wicked Witch of the West, but, even in a play, Obi-Wan refused to play a 'Dark Side' user, even after Anakin promised him that the witch didn't use the Force.

"I'll get you, and your little dog too!" Anakin screeched. With green paste smeared on his face, and a black cowboy hat on, he was playing the part of the Wicked Witch of the West quite well. (From now on we'll just call her—him WWoW.)

Obi-Wan clutched at the stuffed Jawa, whom they sewn puppy-dog ears on to. "Oh Toto! I just want to get back to Aunty Em!"

"Where are my flying monkeys?!" WWoW cried, grabbing his broomstick. "Heeeheheeheheheeeheheheheheeeheheee!" Anakin screamed, in one breath as he jumped off the couch 'riding' on his broomstick and chasing Dortho around the ship.

"Oh you mean, wicked old thing!" Obi-Wan said, screaming like a girl and trying to run away in his sparkly, red cowboy boots (he refused to wear high heels).

Anakin did the 'meanest' thing he thought possible, and pretended to hurl Force-lightning at Dortho.

Dortho of course screamed like a girl again, and threw a bucket of water over WWoW.

"Aaaaah!" WWoW said, screeching. "I'm melting, I'm melting…" He began sinking down to his knees, the green paste starting to streak down his face from the water. "Oh you cruel little… man, and your dog too! Oh the world is going… help me, I'm melting!" Anakin continued this drama for at least fifteen minutes.

"Oh my beautiful wickedness!" He continued. "You cruel, cruel being! How could you, how could you?"

"Oh no Toto!" Obi-Wan said in his Dortho voice. "I think to bring the Wicked Witch back, we have to clap our hands!" Dortho began clapping.

Slowly, WWoW started rising again. "You saved me!"

"Oh Toto she's alive!" Dortho cried, squeezing his stuffed Jawa-Dog until it squeaked. "The hills are alive, with the sound of music…"

Anakin joined his Master in song, and they sang together through The Sound of Music, did a number from Annie and The Phantom of the Opera, sang a song from Singing in the Rain, and finally, when they couldn't think of any more good musicals, sang something from High School Musical.

"I want to be Troy!" Anakin yelled.

"No, I want to be Troy!" Obi-Wan said pouting, still in his Dortho costume and sparkly red cowboy boots.

Time Elapsed: Six Months

Eventually, they had to break out the extremely outdated karaoke CD's.

Obi-Wan was parading around the ship in a disco costume, and Anakin was dressed up like Elvis Presley. From bits of trash, they had fashioned a crude disco ball and hung it in the middle of the main room.

Anakin rigged the ship to keep it spinning continuously.

Obi-Wan and Anakin were dancing their hearts out on the dance floor. Anakin sang at the top of his lungs 'You Ain't Nothing but a Hound Dog," While break dancing, in full costume, and wearing an Elvis wig.

His master however, was doing a true disco dance singing hits from the Bee Gees. "Ah, Ah, Ah, Ah Staying alive, staying alive. Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying aliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive!" He did a split.

Anakin started jumping up and down and switched to 'Jailhouse Rock' and jumped like a maniac, for no particular reason, around the room.

Obi-Wan didn't know anymore Bee Gees hits, so he started singing his song over again. "Well you can tell by the way I walk, I'm a woman's man, no time to talk…" He started doing the Macarena.

Anakin ditched the Elvis wig and joined him. In synch, they kept dancing the Macarena, and eventually sped it up so fast that their hands were more of a blur. "Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive. Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying aliiiiiiiiiiiiiive!"

They got tired of doing the Macarena after ten minutes, and so started doing the Chicken Dance all around the cockpit, while still singing the chorus to the Bee Gee's song over and over and over again.

But eventually, Anakin didn't know anymore lyrics, and started singing 'I Want it That Way," By the Backstreet Boys.

Obi-Wan didn't know all the lyrics, but he did know the Weird Al parody 'I Bought it on Ebay.'

The result was an extremely muddled song, and two hilarious looking Jedi.

Time Elapsed: Eight Months

Obi-Wan and Anakin were in the middle of a death scene from Shakespeare's _Julius Cesar_, when they noticed they were being boarded. So, in full costume, they raced to the bridge, lightsabers ignited.

Someone was already on their ship, so they hid around the corner, back to back. "Halt," Obi-Wan said. "Who goeth there?"

"Art thouest here to taketh us prisoner and siegith the kingdomith?!" Anakin demanded. "Because if thou isith, thou shalt hath to faceth the wratheth of the Jedi!"

"Chargeth Anakinith!" Obi-Wan yelled, and they ran to face whoever was on their ship…

…and they ran straight into Mace Windu.

"Mace!" Obi-Wan exclaimed. "How dost thou knowest—I mean," He shook his head. "How did you know where to find us?"

"We are saved!" Anakin said, hugging the Jedi Master's leg. He started singing Handel's 'Hallelujah Chorus.'

"Young Skywalker, dislodge yourself from my leg this instant." Mace said, glaring at the young man.

"Sorry," Anakin muttered, collecting himself.

"We've been looking for you two for months." Mace sighed at the Shakespearean characters before him.

Obi-Wan, dressed in a Toga, was holding a sword made from aluminum foil in one hand. Anakin still had on his Elvis wig and a combination of a costume from the play and that of The Little Mermaid.

Mace sighed. "Go ahead and get on my ship, we'll fly you back to Coruscant." Mace said, ushering the two Jedi along. "I just… have to get something."

As Obi-Wan and Anakin ran back towards Mace's ship, the Koruun Jedi Master himself slipped a hand up into a hidden security camera on the wall of the main room. "Hehehe," He chuckled to himself. "I wonder what they did all that time?"

On the way back to Coruscant, Mace sat quietly and watched the entire tape from beginning to end—and he laughed, a sound unheard for years at the Jedi Temple.

When he was done, he tucked the tiny recorded disc into his travel bag. "I am so going to blackmail them with this." He said, patting his treasure contentedly. "I knew sabotaging that hyperdrive was a good idea."

The End…


End file.
